Sponge-Bill No-Pants
by Raven Tears1
Summary: Oh who lives on cloud ten up in the sky...


Sponge-Bill No-Pants Characters:  
  
Sponge-Bill: a sponge who lives in Haulter Top (yes it's spelled that way)  
  
Perry: a furby who is a Harvard graduate and one of Sponge- Bill's best friends.  
  
Fido: the flying fish who lives in a giant fish bowl and one of Sponge-Bill's best friends  
  
Puffy: the cranky cloud who lives between Sponge-Bill and Perry  
  
Mrs. Fairy: the tooth crazy fairy who sponge-bill works for  
  
Tiny: the giant who is Mrs. Fairy's son  
  
Greedy: the schizophrenic reject Care Bear who wants to take over the sky  
  
Greedy1: The evil side  
  
Greedy2: The fun-loving Care Bear side.  
  
Smurfs: little blue and white creatures that invade Saturday mornings  
  
Announcer: Basically the narrator  
  
Doctor: works at the Funny Farm  
  
Announcer2: who closes  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Announcer: Coming to a TV station near you! He's big and he's yellow and he has his own theme song ! It's Sponge-Bill No- Pants!  
  
(Everyone sings)  
  
  
  
Oh who lives on cloud 10 up in the sky?  
  
Sponge-Bill No-Pants!  
  
Is happy and daffy and eats lots of pie?  
  
Sponge-Bill No-Pants!  
  
If sudsy funness be something you wish…  
  
Sponge-Bill No-Pants!  
  
Then grab Sponge-Bill and wash a dish!  
  
Sponge-Bill No-Pants!  
  
Sponge-Bill No-Pants,  
  
Sponge-Bill No-Pants,  
  
Sponge-Bill…….Nooooo-Pants!  
  
Scrubidy, dubidy, doo!  
  
  
  
  
  
Announcer: You'll fall in love with Sponge-Bill…  
  
  
  
Sponge-Bill: I'm flying, I'm flying, I'm flying!  
  
  
  
Announcer: His lovely pet dragon, Cuddles…  
  
  
  
Cuddles: Roar!  
  
  
  
Announcer: Phew! Your breath stinks!  
  
  
  
Cuddles: Sorry.  
  
  
  
Announcer: And Sponge-Bill's two best friends Perry, a furby who graduated from Harvard, and Fido, a flying fish who lives in a giant fishbowl.  
  
  
  
Perry: (in a very sophisticated female voice that still sounds a little electronic) Hello. Bonjour. Hola. Privet. Bonjourno. Shalom.  
  
  
  
Fido: (bubbles) (speaks slowly) Why hello folks.  
  
  
  
Announcer: But lets not forget Sponge-Bill's grumpy neighbor Puffy. He's a rain cloud.  
  
  
  
Puffy: (Older person; grandparent type voice) Hold it down young whiper snappers, I'm trying to sleep.  
  
  
  
Announcer: Sorry. You'll find all these fun-loving creatures, and many more, in the cloud cluster of Haulter Top. Like Mrs. Fairy, the tooth starved fairy who employs Sponge-Bill.  
  
  
  
Mrs. Fairy: Teeth! I need more teeth! Get your lazy butts working! And you, yes you, the voice. Your distracting my workers!  
  
  
  
Tiny: Duh, mom. Can I go out and play?  
  
  
  
Announcer: That's her son Tiny. Tiny's a giant who likes to ravage towns and steal golden-egg laying geese and golden harps, and is currently looking for a girlfriend.  
  
  
  
Tiny: Duh, Hi folks.  
  
  
  
(Thunder and lightning)  
  
  
  
Announcer: Uh oh guys. That can only mean one thing… (Jaws tune begins to play)… No! Not him! Get it right! (Hear the 'Dum de dum dum duuuum' thing) Oh well. That can mean only one thing! Greedy, the Schizophrenic reject Care Bear who wants to take over the sky.  
  
  
  
Greedy 1: (female over dramatic evil voice) Mua Ha Ha Ha! I'm going to take over the skies! And no one can stop me!  
  
  
  
Smurf 1: (helium-like voices) Hey what about us?  
  
  
  
All Smurfs; Yeah!  
  
  
  
Greedy 1: Oh yeah and my fleet of evil Smurfs! Mua Ha Ha HA!  
  
  
  
Greedy 2: (In a really sweet voice) I love you all and I'm so cute!  
  
  
  
Greedy 1: Ahh! I've got to get that fixed!  
  
  
  
Announcer: Right. Any ways. Join us for our first episode when we find out… Can Sponge-Bill make it to work on time?  
  
  
  
Sponge-Bill: I'm flying, I'm flying, I'm flying, but not fast enough! I'm going to be late my first day!  
  
  
  
Announcer: Will Cuddles find a breath mint strong enough?  
  
  
  
Cuddles: Roar! Roa (stops abruptly)… Hey that's not very nice! Roar!  
  
  
  
Announcer: Can Perry discover the secret of life before the fish do?  
  
  
  
Perry: It's got to be something to do with learning and teaching and kindness and… and.. Ahhhh! I don't know!  
  
  
  
Announcer: (Sincerely) Will Fido find someone to share his big, humoungus, giant fishbowl?  
  
  
  
Fido: (singing) I'm a lonely fish in a big fishbowl. Glub, glub. Hey, I need some fish, not just any fish. Please, please love me!  
  
  
  
Announcer: (sniffing) So sad. (regaining themselves) Will Puffy finally get a nap?  
  
  
  
Puffy: I doubt it!  
  
  
  
Announcer: Mrs. Fairy is three teeth short. Will she ever find them?  
  
  
  
Mrs. Fairy: No one… shall rest… until… those teeth… are found! Do you hear me? If I catch any of you resting… I'll pull your teeth! Do you understand?  
  
  
  
Announcer: Yikes!  
  
  
  
Mrs. Fairy: That goes for you too, Voice!  
  
  
  
Announcer: Will I ever get out of this one? Will Tiny get to go outside?  
  
  
  
Tiny: Duh, I hope so.  
  
  
  
Announcer: And will Greedy and her dominion of demented, evil smurfs take over the skies?  
  
  
  
(Dramatic music)  
  
  
  
Sponge-Bill: Ahh! Oh no!  
  
  
  
Smurfs 1: We hope so.  
  
  
  
Smurfs 2: then we get paid.  
  
  
  
Greedy 1: Mua Ha Ha Ha!  
  
  
  
Greedy 2: Flowers for everyone.  
  
  
  
Greedy 1: It is I Greedy who will…  
  
  
  
Greedy 2: Bake cakes and cookies…  
  
  
  
Greedy 1: NO! Take over the skies!  
  
  
  
Smurfs 2: She's crazy!  
  
  
  
All Smurfs: Tra, La, la, la, la, la!  
  
  
  
Announcer: Maybe if you can beat that Schizophrenia first! (laughs at own joke) To find the answers to these questions and many more tune in...  
  
  
  
Greedy 1: You know I don't like you very much!  
  
  
  
Announcer: Who me?  
  
  
  
Greedy 2: No your twin brother. Duh!  
  
  
  
Mrs. Fairy: Hey I told you to get to work! Find… those… teeth!  
  
  
  
Announcer: But I'm the announcer!  
  
  
  
Mrs. Fairy: And…  
  
  
  
Announcer: And I don't have to do what you say!  
  
  
  
Mrs. Fairy: Ok, fine. Tiny!  
  
  
  
Announcer: I mean…  
  
  
  
Tiny: Fee, Fi, Foe… um… I forgot the rest. Yes mom?  
  
  
  
Announcer: Please, I'll get looking for those teeth right now.  
  
  
  
Mrs. Fairy: It's too late now. Tiny meet Voice, your new play toy.  
  
  
  
Tiny: Oh Goody! I will smash you and bash you and eat you with bread.  
  
  
  
Sponge-Bill: I'm here, I'm here, I'm here! And on time!  
  
  
  
Announcer: (Pleading) No please! I don't taste good.  
  
  
  
Tiny: Duh, ok. I'm going now.  
  
  
  
Announcer: Phew! That was close. Well I guess you know Sponge- Bill No-Pants makes it to work on time.  
  
  
  
Perry: I've got it! The secret of life is to do unto others as you would have them do unto you and to live each day to the fullest! Put that on a hook and eat it fish! Oh yeah! I'm good! I'm good!  
  
  
  
Announcer: What? Uh!  
  
  
  
Fido: I've found the perfect fish. They live in a big shiny, silver pool and they look a lot like me! Oh happiness! Oh Joy! Oh love!  
  
  
  
Announcer: Isn't that your reflection in a mirror?  
  
  
  
Fido: No! Of course not! Shh, don't tell anyone.  
  
  
  
Announcer: Good grief!  
  
  
  
Greedy 2: (singing happily) They're coming to take me away! He he! They're coming to take me away! Ha Ha! To the Funny Farm…  
  
  
  
Greedy 1: No! Help me! I wont go! I must conquer the skies!  
  
  
  
Greedy 2: And plant tree seeds and give everyone a big hug!  
  
  
  
Doctor: Oh yeah. She's nuts. Let's take her away to the Funny Farm.  
  
  
  
Greedy 1: Help me my evil Smurfs.  
  
  
  
Smurfs1: No!  
  
  
  
Smurfs 2: Why should we? You never paid us!  
  
  
  
All Smurfs: Tra, la, la, la, la, la!  
  
  
  
Announcer: Ahhhhhhhhh! It's a complete disaster! No one needs to tune in now! They already know what happens! Ahhhh! (does the cliché crazy thing with lips)  
  
  
  
Doctor: We'd better take this one too.  
  
  
  
Announcer: (Laughs hysterically) You'll never take me alive coppers!  
  
  
  
Sponge-Bill: Ok folks tune in and watch me, Sponge-Bill No- Pants, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday at 3:47 g.m. Bye.  
  
  
  
Perry: Good-bye. Au revoir. Hasta La Vista Baby!  
  
  
  
Fido: See ya'!  
  
  
  
Cuddles: Roar! Does anyone have a breath mint? Roar!  
  
  
  
Puffy: I'll never get any sleep with you crazy, young folks! I'm leaving!  
  
  
  
Mrs. Fairy: Find those teeth!  
  
  
  
Tiny: Duh, That's all folks!  
  
  
  
(Everyone sings)  
  
  
  
Oh who lives on cloud 10 up in the sky?  
  
Sponge-Bill No-Pants!  
  
Is happy and daffy and eats lots of pie?  
  
Sponge-Bill No-Pants!  
  
If sudsy funness be something you wish…  
  
Sponge-Bill No-Pants!  
  
Then grab Sponge-Bill and wash a dish!  
  
Sponge-Bill No-Pants!  
  
Sponge-Bill No-Pants,  
  
Sponge-Bill No-Pants,  
  
Sponge-Bill…….Nooooo-Pants!  
  
Scrubidy, dubidy, doo!  
  
  
  
Announcer 2: This commercial debut was brought to you by; Meow Bits! Silly kids Meow Bits are for cats. And Lawn Gnomes are Us: They walk (sounds of shuffling), they talk (murmurs) and they stalk (Grr! Women's scream) Get yours today, 3 for the price of 1! This has been a production of ItsALotOfFun! Thank you, bye. (pause) It's over. Turn off your radios. Now that's a good listener. Yeah, off! Come on. Hello? Yes I'm talking to you! I give up! (hear someone walk away and a door slam) 


End file.
